Woke up crying uncontrollably this morning. I dreamt of my grandparents and those close to me who've passed on. Vaguely remembering feeling shameful that I haven't really met their expectations when they were alive. That I wasn't able to do much for them. That it seemed to me, all my promises to them were just "lip service". This really hit me hard.
They told me it was okay. It was part of my life-journey. And that they have been watching over me. Praying for and guiding me in little ways, such as this dream.
It was reminiscent, sad, yet motivating at the same time. If I would give meaning to the dream it would be that either I was really being visited by them in my dream or I'm just getting rid of some clutter in my sub-conscious and boost my moving forward, or both. I'm hoping for the last.
Looking back at those relationships with those people who've passed, I can say that I've truly been loved by them. Grandparents, mother, cousin, uncle, best friend, and others who have left an indelible influence in my journey.
The feeling of loss is sometimes unexpectedly heavy, especially now that I'm mostly by myself. At that time my automatic self-preservation instinct kicks in - I deliberately forget by indulging in a distraction. Entertain myself watching a funny movie or cartoon, play badminton. This has been both my boon and bane since childhood. I guess I've been this way since my mom died. Helped me cope a lot, I realized.
So now I'm resolved to show those dear people in my dream that I really am moving towards my dreams. And be more than strong enough to take care of those who are still alive.
They told me it was okay. It was part of my life-journey. And that they have been watching over me. Praying for and guiding me in little ways, such as this dream.
It was reminiscent, sad, yet motivating at the same time. If I would give meaning to the dream it would be that either I was really being visited by them in my dream or I'm just getting rid of some clutter in my sub-conscious and boost my moving forward, or both. I'm hoping for the last.
Looking back at those relationships with those people who've passed, I can say that I've truly been loved by them. Grandparents, mother, cousin, uncle, best friend, and others who have left an indelible influence in my journey.
The feeling of loss is sometimes unexpectedly heavy, especially now that I'm mostly by myself. At that time my automatic self-preservation instinct kicks in - I deliberately forget by indulging in a distraction. Entertain myself watching a funny movie or cartoon, play badminton. This has been both my boon and bane since childhood. I guess I've been this way since my mom died. Helped me cope a lot, I realized.
So now I'm resolved to show those dear people in my dream that I really am moving towards my dreams. And be more than strong enough to take care of those who are still alive.
